We are conditioned to be in a society where we are told to please people, make everyone happy, be nice and amicable. We are also told to do all of it, stretch ourselves to our limits and go beyond in order to achieve what we aspire. However, this often comes with the unsaid effect of burnout – both mental and physical. Psychologist Nicole LePera, who goes by the name The Holistic Psychologist on Instagram, is known for sharing insights on such issues on her social media profile. Nicole, a day back, broke down the rules put together by our society and our social conditioning and spoke of the necessities of learning to say no when required and draw boundaries.
Nicole wrote that the unending need to please everyone around us grows from our upbringing. In most homes, we are taught to be nice, polite and to agree to everything being said. This develops in us the urge to stretch ourselves beyond our boundaries. In some homes, it is also necessary to be silent and not raise the voice so as to maintain the peace and be safe – she referred to a situation where one of the parents is violent, dominant or abusive.
This kind of conditioning shapes us into adults where we learn to ignore our own needs and intuitions of being loved. Hence, not being able to say no to situations where we do not want to participate, creates in us pent up negative energy of feeling burnt out, angry or resentful. This further leads to physical issues such as sickness or a disease – body’s way of saying that it is enough.
Referring to the society as an “emotionally unwell” one, Nicole further added that contrary to how we are conditioned, it is okay to not do it all or please everyone. It is okay to set our own boundaries and take time out for our own selves.
Nicole wrote that eventually people will not be happy with a no from our end, but it is okay. People will learn to value and honour it, especially the ones who have their own boundaries as well. ” Learn to say no. Practice it,” she wrote.
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